1. Never look in the mirror. If you don't see you, you're not there. It also helps to be a bitch or an asshole to people you don't know because it'll shatter any positive reflection of yourself you might see in them.

2. Let other people make your decisions. This is easiest way you can not exist at all.

3. Do work you don't care about. Get the licenses, pass the tests, sell the stuff, and sit there.

4. Never appreciate anything. God forbid you give gratitude for everyday things like your legs, or music, or your Mom, or the sun.

5. Tell yourself that the things you like doing are not worth doing because you are not worth it even though you love doing them. This makes perfect sense.

Bonus: I hope you see how ridiculous this is. If you've already killed yourself, don't worry. You can be a zombie and come back from the dead. You may be a little screwy, but it's better than not being here at all.

Embrace your weird. I love you friend.

Ps: for a little nudge of encouragement and inspiration every weekday, sign-up for this.