How to Start Anything: a guide to using Gretchin Rubin’s Four Tendencies (Obliger, Upholder, Questioner, Rebel)
This was a fun one to write. A few years ago I stumbled upon a podcast that made me laugh and gave me insight into myself and others that has helped me tremendously. The podcast was by the Tony Robbins Team (don’t worry, he’s not on it), featuring Gretchen Rubin and her book, The Four Tendencies. To be honest, I preferred the podcast as it was clear and concise and carried numerous examples that made me think, “that explains it.” Being a Questioner myself, good explanations are basically the equivalent of true love.
What is a tendency?
It’s important to note that a “tendency” is not the same as a personality category —it’s not trying to categorize or label who you are (that would be quite impossible), but rather it tries to understand one particular thing: how do you respond to expectations? If you're not sure which tendency you are, you can take this short quiz or peek at the one-liners below to decide which sounds more like you.
Now when it comes to actually doing things, each tendency has a different approach. Here are my suggestions for how to start anything based on your tendency:
The Upholder
I will do what I said I’m going to do
The articulation and writing down of goals means an entirely different thing to you. You might as well inscribe your goals in stone, because they're not going anywhere. Write down what you are trying to do and put it on your fridge, bathroom mirror, first-glance bedroom wall. Nobody needs to know about it, except you. Making yourself a formal, written declaration of what you will do is the first step.
The Obliger
I will do this for you
Identify the clear impact your actions will have on others and start your endeavor with friends. Whatever you do, in order for it to actually get done, you need an accountability partner of sorts. It's much easier for you to actually do things if they are with or for someone else. This does not mean you lack will in any way, only that your motivation lies in helping others. You start by making a commitment to someone else.
The Questioner
I will do this because it makes sense
Draw the path to your goal. From the starting point to where you want to go, you should identify —at bare minimum— the direction, as well as the mile markers. Allowing room for grace and pitstops, draw the path so you can better understand it. This works as a sort of primer for your brain. The more you can zoom out to see the big picture, the more willing you will be to zoom in and take the first step.
The Rebel
I will do this because I want to
Freedom and choice are of utmost importance here, that means you'll have to give yourself options. Who are you? Identifying the kind of person you want to be. Understanding your choices in accordance with that identity is the key. Let yourself choose wrong if necessary, because it's not the choice that matters to you, but the choosing. Make a list of paths you can take and on any given day, take the one you want.
☝🏽 The original podcast episode is here and it’s absolutely worth a listen.
Excerpt from: Love is the Business Plan
